BOOK REVIEW - THE REMARKABLE SOUL OF A WOMAN

IN DEFENSE OF REASON

THE REMARKABLE SOUL OF DIETER F. UCHTDORF

The Remarkable Soul of a Woman by Dieter F. Uchdorf is not selling well.

"A book like this usually generates great revenue... but not this time," said T. Peter Gulf, president of sales at Deseret Book Company. When asked to explain why, Gulf collapsed against the side of a downtown building and wet himself. He then waved this reporter off. His whereabouts are currently unknown.

An LDS bookstore manager (asked not to be identified) spoke of its unpopularity, stating, "They had us put it storefront - hundreds of hardbacks going all the way up to the ceiling next to a huge cardboard standee of Uchtdorf - but people seemed really put off by it, like it was some kind of assault to their senses. I've never seen a reaction like this before."

Samuel F. Turling, Professor of Modern Languages at Brigham Young University, refused to read and review the book after hearing its title. He explains, "I just don't get it. Every noun, adjective, and preposition - even the definite and indefinite articles - are just wrong wrong wrong. I never want to hear those words in that particular order again, or I might have to puke."

Why such a hostile reaction?

The answer might be simple.

History is replete of instances where native speakers of German, when trying to express themselves in another tongue, are met with hostility, to the point of being attacked by angry mobs.

Uchtdorf is no exception.

His book is one long list of troublesome, idiomatic expressions understandable only to Germans, the greatest example being the title itself...

The German word, bemerkenserteseelevoneinerfrau, literally translates as, "the remarkable soul of a woman," and probably serves as Uchtdorf's inspiration - sadly to his demise.

If only non-German speakers knew the richness of the word!

A five-year-old German boy might be heard to exclaim, "Bemerkenserteseelevoneinerfrau!" after suckling from his mother's breast.

So, too, a Herr when his Frau prepares him a hearty meal.

But the connotation goes way beyond that. Its use is not strictly confined to male speakers seemingly pleased by the actions of a female (such would be a gross indictment against the term, pointing to chauvinism). For example, a German woman, gazing at a sunset, might be heard to exclaim at the wondrous scene, "Bemerkenserteseelevoneinerfrau hat die Welt neue Darm der Tapferkeit gegeben!" meaning, "The remarkable soul of a woman has given the world new intestines of fortitude!"

Hmm.

I feel like I have to stop, here, because the more I try to defend Uchtdorf's work, the more bizarre it sounds.

I'll leave the reader with this message, however. Men at the top of the Mormon hierarchy are paid a mere stipend for their tireless efforts. They rely on book sales to supplement their incomes. Even though this book might make you gag, you should buy it and put it next to all the other LDS books of inspiration you own and haven't read. Before long, it will collect dust like the others.

Its title, indiscernible.

Its horrifying effects, gone.

And Uchtdorf, redeemed.